5 days from now

It would be my mom’s birthday.

I don’t know how old she would have been turning.

I don’t know if that makes me a bad daughter.

I don’t remember how old she was when she died.

It was 6 years ago

I think that would make her over 60 by now.

Sometimes I need her

Like now.

To tell me I’m not a weird freak with lack of social comprehension.

To remind me

That I am beautiful

Just because I am me

And that is reason enough.

I wish I could hear her speak

To strengthen

My memory of her voice

The sound of her laugh.

I still feel like a child

Sometimes

Unable to constrain emotion in adult like fashion

I still want to say its not fair

Because it isn’t.

But I can’t do anything about it except cry and cry.

And wish that she didn’t have to die.

i fail to remember